As I reflect upon Jesus bearing the weight of the cross and falling for the first time, I am overwhelmed, and humbled. The cross he bore was for the world, for all who fall short, and all who have sinned. The cross he bore was for me. This has always been one of the hardest things for me to accept as a Christian walking on my journey. Many times I have struggled and fallen, but through his grace I am redeemed and brought back to my feet and given more than I could ask or imagine. This grace is so powerful and it is because of this grace that I learn so many valuable lessons as I grow in my faith.
Not so long ago I found myself in the midst of a failing relationship built on the weight of expectations that I could no longer bear. I thought that this relationship was what people expected of me, and I kept it going at all cost. I was crushed and bruised and slowly drifted away from my center, my faith, because I could not make my false self in this relationship fit into who I knew I was truly called to be. In my fear of failure and anxiety about being lost and forever “stuck” in the situation, I withdrew from engaging in life and became a shell of myself. I found myself making choices that only dimmed my joy for the world and stole my love of all that God had provided me with. It was through my lowest places that I began to realize that I was made for more than this. I began to deepen my prayers to God, asking him to give me strength to do what was best for my life. God provided, and I finally found a circle of strength, and those people through prayer and guidance helped me to see a path that led me to a healthier place and ultimately guided me to the relationship with God that I have today.
I am a person who lives in fear of the fall, however as I grow in my faith I realize that I am truly never too far gone from our Lord. The fall, and the process of falling and getting back up again has led me to grow into a deeper understanding of the compassion of our Lord. I have begun to look for ways to hold up the expectations of God in my life, rather than trying to bear the weight of what others expect from me. The weight of others’ expectations of me has been the thing that drives me away from my faith center. By keeping God at the center as my compass, I can learn to lean on my faith in the times when I am feeling pulled or crushed. As I grow, I am learning to be thankful for the journey I experience through the fall, as it teaches me to walk more humbly with my God.
-Keith Earle